Inappropriate thought in such crucial moments

I know that...believe you me.
It saddened me each time I think about it, what's wrong with me? I can name thousands of reason for that question actually...but hell I'm just being human.

Each time the error blimped I hope it was a miracle.
Each time a window popped I hope it was a miracle.
Each time my phone rang I hope it was a miracle.
Each time my inbox added up I hope it was a miracle.
But it never was...miracles never exist...

And I thought I've promised not to put myself in this position again...apparently I did,
F*ck this I'm outta here........